


tiny epiphany

by mrdaikichi



Series: mx oneshots [2]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Cuddling, Fluff, Idols, Love Languages, M/M, Not really though, Somewhat Ambiguous Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:34:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24196012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrdaikichi/pseuds/mrdaikichi
Summary: Now that Kihyun’s noticed it, he can’t stop noticing it. The way Minhyuk makes sure their fingers don’t touch when passing him something, the way he shifts close to Jooheon on the couch when Kihyun sits next to him, the way a casual arm around his shoulder feels stiff and unfamiliar.It sounds weird in his head--it would probably sound weird just about anywhere--but hewantsMinhyuk to touch him just like he does everyone else. To play with his fingers during a livestream. To wink at him onstage or hug him unexpectedly from behind.The more introspection he does, the more alarmed he gets. But he reassures himself that it’s natural to feel a little bit left out.
Relationships: Lee Minhyuk/Yoo Kihyun
Series: mx oneshots [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1824541
Comments: 10
Kudos: 99





	tiny epiphany

**Author's Note:**

> hi i wrote this to procrastinate also i had major kihyuk feels from the cuddle scene in my last fic and general quarantine-induced touchstarvedness so i did what any sensible human being would do and projected ruthlessly onto kihyun. anyway pls enjoy :))
> 
> ps this is unedited and probably trash i kept switching tenses cuz i wanted to try present tense for once but my brain is permanently stuck in past tense yeah yeah u get it ill go back to writing epilogues for wygytm now

The half-feelings that Kihyun’s been trying to suppress for the last week or so are making a vengeful comeback, because it’s MV week and Minhyuk is styled to hell and back every waking moment, and he looks good. It’s simultaneously harder and so, so much easier to stare at him, and Kihyun feels like he’s lost at least ten minutes to it today.

They’re supposed to wrap up by tomorrow evening. Today evening, he realizes belatedly, because it’s 3 a.m. already. Only he, Minhyuk, and Hyunwoo are still on set.

When he finally finishes up filming, Minhyuk is waiting over behind the cameras, looking idly through empty snack bags and tugging at the collar of his high-necked shirt.

“Hey,” Kihyun says, sitting down on a set chair. Minhyuk just nods at him. He’s pretty obviously exhausted.

When Kihyun looks closer (because he can’t _not_ look closer, for some reason) he sees that the corners of Minhyuk’s mouth are tilted down, and his jaw is tense, and his lower lip is almost trembling.

“You okay?” he says, and reaches out to squeeze Minhyuk’s shoulder. Minhyuk leans gratefully into his touch and nods, laughing even as a tear spills over and down his cheek.

“I don’t know why I’m crying,” he says. Reaches up to scrub at his face. “Guess I’m just tired.”

Kihyun nods, because he feels that on a spiritual level, and moves his hand to the back of Minhyuk’s neck. He’s honestly not sure what he’s supposed to be doing, but Minhyuk is kind of getting a little bit looser with the massage, swaying towards him like they might hug, which isn’t unusual in itself, because he’s, like, touchy that way.

It strikes Kihyun in that moment that if he were anyone else, it would be completely natural to just pull Minhyuk in close and comfort him, but he’s himself, and there’s always been a kind of barrier between them, physically, for whatever reason. Not that Minhyuk isn’t clingy around him, it’s just a lot less forward than he is with the other members. Which could maybe be because he’s respecting Kihyun’s boundaries, but honestly, Minhyuk probably doesn’t even know what “respecting boundaries” means.

Minhyuk seems to remember this a moment later, and tenses up and pulls away, sending Kihyun a strained smile before rolling his shoulders back and taking a deep breath. Kihyun smiles back, doesn’t know what to say as Minhyuk fiddles with his sleeves, takes a deep breath, stares at the ceiling. The painfully bright shooting lights touch his face in all the right places, light up the gentle slope of his nose, put stars in his eyes and echo off his glossed lips. Kihyun, to his own dismay, is more than a little bit transfixed, but he forces himself to look away. It doesn’t make sense to torture himself.

Hyunwoo shows up a few minutes later, and Minhyuk cuddles into his side once they get in the back of the van, wrapping his arms and legs around him. Hyunwoo is tired, too, but he brings a hand up through Minhyuk’s hair as his shoulders shake in exhaustion. The knot in Kihyun  
s stomach pulls itself tighter.

He looks away and lets his forehead knock into the freezing window the whole way home.

+

Now that he’s noticed it, he can’t stop noticing it. The way Minhyuk makes sure their fingers don’t touch when passing him something, the way he shifts close to Jooheon on the couch when Kihyun sits next to him, the way a casual arm around his shoulder feels stiff and unfamiliar.

It sounds weird in his head--it would probably sound weird just about anywhere--but he _wants_ Minhyuk to touch him just like he does everyone else. To play with his fingers during a livestream. To wink at him onstage or hug him unexpectedly from behind.

The more introspection he does, the more alarmed he gets. But he reassures himself that it’s natural to feel a little bit left out.

They get to talking about love languages one day, because Hoseok’s single ass is scrolling through some sappy articles online.

“I think Hyunwoo-hyung’s is words of affirmation,” Hyungwon says, counting on his fingers, “and mine is probably quality time.” 

“Physical touch,” Changkyun says, leaning over to poke Minhyuk in the chest, “physical touch, physical touch.” He pokes Jooheon and Hoseok in turn. Hoseok rolls his eyes.

“What are you, then?”

Chankgyun props his face in his hands and tilts his head to the side. “Acts of service or quality time,” he says. “Kihyun-hyung’s definitely acts of service, though.”

“Wait,” Kihyun interrupts, frowning, “is it how you show love? Or what makes you feel loved?”

“It’s how you show love,” Hoseok says, looking up. He sticks his phone out and Kihyun pretends to read whatever he’s showing him.

“Aren’t they the same, though?” Jooheon adds.

“Oh. Are they? I don’t think so,” Kihyun says. His mouth goes dry as Minhyuk turns to him.

Whatever the hell is going on with him, it’s changed his body’s literal chemical responses to Minhyuk. Proximity to him is awkward now, and this--talking about love languages, God, Kihyun’s going to kill Hoseok--is a thousand times worse.

“What would yours be the other way round, then?” Minhyuk asks.

“Words of affirmation, duh,” Jooheon says. Kihyun reaches over and slaps his thigh without looking.

“Like for what makes me feel loved? Um. Physical touch, I think?” he says, looking up at Minhyuk as his inflection rises.

Everyone laughs, because of course they don’t believe him, but Minhyuk holds his gaze and then smiles a little bit, and it gives Kihyun the feeling that he’s given everything away.

 _There’s nothing to give away,_ he reminds himself, then remembers how he’d thought about Minhyuk touching him and actually blushes.

“Gross, you pervert, stop blushing,” Hyungwon says, and Changkyun snickers. Kihyun glares at them.

He doesn’t miss it later when Minhyuk sits next to him to play FIFA and lets their knees touch from time to time, or when he tosses the controller aside and stretches and lets his hand come down to squeeze Kihyun’s shoulder before saying goodnight with a wink and a wave.

It feels funny, knowing that Minhyuk consciously changed his actions so Kihyun would feel loved, and Kihyun feels like maybe going and punching something to release the nervous energy that’s suddenly manifested in his limbs.

At some point, he’d slowly realized that he was letting himself fall in love--he winces at that. No, in _like _\--with Minhyuk.__

__He knows that their fans all think they’re perpetually at each others’ throats and Kihyun has to deal with Minhyuk’s shenanigans all the time, which is more than a little bit true. But it’s always been gentler than that, and they’re always been close, and Minhyuk’s always been stupidly beautiful and sweet and annoying as hell. Kihyun has no idea how people can definitively say that there was a specific moment, a crystalline chunk of time, when they fell in like with someone. For him, it’s more like daybreak, the way the sun peeks up over the horizon and is somewhere between hidden and risen for the longest time._ _

__He stretches and turns off the TV. It’s almost 2 a.m. and he’s a little giddy with the realization that he has an unrequited crush to nurture._ _

__Kihyun has loved--no, liked--before. Boys and girls, celebrities and childhood friends alike. Coworkers, too, he thinks a little ruefully, remembering how starstruck he’d been by Hyunwoo in the months leading up to their debut, and quite a few months afterward. This, though, is quieter, almost precious, fragile in how everyday it is._ _

__He’s about to get up when he hears footsteps behind him and turns. He already knows it’s going to be Minhyuk, because it’s one of those days where the planets are favorably aligned and storybook miracles come true._ _

__“You’re not asleep yet,” Minhyuk says, and his voice holds a question even if his words don’t._ _

__“No,” Kihyun agrees._ _

__It is way past midnight and they are staring at each other in the living room, two twenty-five-year-old men in t-shirts and pajama shorts. They have to wake up in like three hours and they should really go to sleep but Kihyun can’t stop from opening his mouth and--_ _

__“Why didn’t you ever used to touch me?” he asks, and it sounds shameless but maybe he’s at that point. “Before I said, you know, that it made me feel, like, loved or whatever.”_ _

__Minhyuk lifts a shoulder. “I don’t know. I guess I thought you wouldn’t like it,” he says, and laughs a little bit. “I’m not sure that’s stopped me before, but yeah. It did. With you.”_ _

__The world is out to make a fool of him and he’s just caught up in it, Kihyun thinks. He’s drunk on past-midnight minutes. “Oh,” he says, more to the floor than anyone else._ _

__“Yeah,” Minhyuk replies, then holds out a hand. “Come sleep.”_ _

__He lets Minhyuk pull him close under the covers and breathe into his hair, lets himself place a cool hand on the warm skin of Minhyuk’s stomach, smiles into his shoulder when he kisses the top of his head._ _

__It’s not that much. But maybe. It’s just enough._ _

**Author's Note:**

> can u even deny that they r soulmates,, ok


End file.
